Racism and Conscious Choice

This will probably be the most difficult post I’ve written to date. I apologize in advance for its heaviness.

I’m racist. That’s a very difficult thing to admit, so you should start practicing because you’re racist, too. At the risk of sounding like “Avenue Q,” I will say that to some extent, we are all racist. Whether that means we are blatant with it, as is less and less common these days, to insidious about it, as is more and more common, to what I will term socially internally racist, which is where I fit in this equation. Of course, this issue is far more complex than three groups of people, but for the purposes of simplicity, this is how I am going to go about explaining.

The first group enabled the institutionalizing of racism, as the US saw until the 60s, and South Africa saw until 1994, and further, though it has dissipated. This group stretches from one extreme, the KKK for example, to less menacing institutionalism, to people who simply hate those who are outside of their race classification to little or no consequence. These people are outwardly racist and do not hide that fact.

The second group is, in my opinion, the most dangerous. I have touched on this group before, but I will reiterate for the sake of my argument. This group includes those who are racist and may or may not know it. Oftentimes, they do not know it. This is a tragedy created by society. We, the world as a whole, have taught our people that to be light/white is good and safe and to be dark/black is to be bad and dangerous. Perhaps not in so clear of terms, but we teach it when we send our children to schools where the student body largely reflects their skin color, we teach it when we warn our children about what parts of the neighborhood to stay away from at night. We teach it when we buy houses in neighborhoods that are non-diverse. We teach it every day, in every way. We grow up hearing about genocide and xenophobia and praise our children for not being racist, yet we are, and so are they. This group includes the majority of the world.

The third group is very closely related to the second one with one major different, those in this group are aware of their racism. Through education we learn that we are prejudiced. We become aware of the ways in which racism has infiltrated our (sometimes) accepting (and sometimes, not) upbringing and we are appalled by them. We recognize that equality can only be achieved through the conscious choices we make and that we urge others to make. This group of people are the ones fighting racism and discrimination in schools, the workplace, housing, government, cultural events, and many other places. I call this social internal racism because the racism comes from our socialization process. We learn it from those around us as we grow up and internalize it. We don’t exhibit outward racism because it doesn’t exist. We are, for all intents and purposes, not racist. But it’s still inside of us. It is up to the individual to become aware of this internal racism and make choices to combat it.

Being in South Africa has heightened my awareness of my whiteness. I know that when I am walking down the street at night, as I am walking, that people will not fear me. They won’t wonder how many children I have or how I afforded my clothes. They will not assume much. I am aware of this in those moments, not just afterwards. Being here has made me painfully aware of my own racism. For example, I was walking to a meeting the other night just past dusk. I was alone and my destination wasn’t too much further. As I was walking down the street, I spotted a black man sitting on a bench, not really doing much. My immediate instinct was to move away, to go to the other side of the road. What if this had been a white man? Would I still have felt the need to distance myself? Would I have felt the same sense of potential danger? I felt ashamed. The difference, though, is that I know why those instincts exist. I know how they were created, which is far more complex than I can begin to describe, as it involves class dynamics, race dynamics, history, society, and a host of other issues. I know why I was prejudiced, and therefore, I gain power over it. I have the power to discover, question, and diminish discrimination.

I implore you to look into your head and heart and discover your racism. Many of you reading this already have. You are people I would consider part of the third group, but I know that some of you are very much still in the second group, living without knowledge of your prejudice. Look at how it has influenced your life, even if only in small ways. Painful though it may be, look at how it has altered your perceptions of people. You have the ability to gain power over your discrimination and change your life, and others in turn. It’s so easy to sit back and let it happen; after all, you’re the beneficiary. But please, I beseech of you, don’t.

For those of you willing to open yourselves up to this issue, I am completely willing to have in depth conversations with anyone on this topic if you feel the need to learn more or if you want to explore your thoughts and feelings. This is such an important issue to talk about. Please, if you need to talk, I am here.