One Day to Go

Here I sit, the day before I leave South Africa, and I am a complete mess of emotions. It was only 138 days ago that I was feeling these exact same emotions about leaving the United States.

This experience is one that I cannot even begin to put into words. Since I've been here, I've learned so much about myself, the world, and the way I fit into it. I've found my home, my heart, and grown my passion in ways I never anticipated. Each place I spent time, from Robben Island to Hermanus to the Cape Flats, has taught me something. I've learned to slow down. I've learned to appreciate what I've been given. I've learned to find joy in everything.

I'm scared to leave. I have assimilated into South African life and it's difficult to remember how to function in the US. I think back to the initial culture shock I dealt with when I arrived here and I am anticipating the same when I get home. At least I'm a little more prepared this time.

One thing I am really going to miss is the weather. The crazy snow and blizzards lately in Washington will be a drastic change from the gorgeous 100 degree African summer I've been experiencing. I have developed a tan like I've never had, and it will surely wither away quickly after I get home. I'll miss that.

I know I'm all over the place in this post, but the reason is that I feel so disjointed. I'm nervous about leaving. I'm nervous about being home. I'm nervous about not knowing what to do next. Africa has changed so much in me and I'm anxious to see how that affects the ways in which I understand my surroundings.

Despite all of this, I cannot wait to see my family and friends at home. Even though I know I belong in Africa, I also know I belong with Shannon and our little family and I am excited to be back with them.

KLJ

Dearest Kelsey,

It’s taken me a while to write this letter. I’m not even quite sure where to begin.

The more time I spend in this amazing place, the more I realize that this trip has been bringing me closer to you. You would have loved all of the adventures I’ve gone on. The cheetahs especially, but more than that. You would have loved Africa, at least what I’ve experienced of it. I want to show you so many things here.

There are so many bugs here, big exotic ones. I saw a massive four or five inch caterpillar the other day. It was definitely a Kelsey kind of caterpillar. I’d never seen one quite so big before. I wish you were there. That was the same day I went to see the cheetahs, which I did for you. They were beautiful. Big and majestic. Just like you. I felt you next to me that day. Sitting in there with Enigma. Were you petting him, too? I hope so.

You were the kind of girl that held a special place in her heart for all things wild, and I think you would have been a woman with a passion for the beauty of wildlife. I’m certain you and I would have shared a passion for Africa, and the more I ruminate on that, the more assured of it I grow. There is an entirely different life force here that has wrapped around me like a comforting blanket, and I can sense that it would have been the right fit for you too.

I knew this trip would be a lot of things for me. I also knew that I couldn’t know what those things were until they happened. It’s turned out that it has become a time for me to learn about different outlooks on life. I’ve had a chance to exist in a slower pace. I’ve learned about who I am as a friend and the strength I possess as a woman. But one of the things I never expected was to feel you here so strongly. You are almost everywhere I go here.

I’m still unpacking what that means. Was that part of why I was pulled here? What am I supposed to learn from this; from your presence here? Am I getting to know you better? Am I preparing to finally let go? Why are we here together? Did I bring you here or did I find you here?

I think you are a big reason why I am reluctant to leave. I’ve felt closer to you here than I have ever before. I’m afraid to lose that. I’m afraid to lose the new relationship I’ve built with you. But I’m also afraid that I’m supposed to leave you here. You belong here, Kelsey.

I love you and it breaks my heart every day that you were taken away. But I really hope that you’ve found peace.

Goodnight, my Angel, now it’s time to sleep.
Always, Sam

One Soul, Two Cultures

In my final two-and-a-half weeks, it is finally beginning to settle in that I have to leave my home. Over the last 120 days, I have been eagerly counting down the time until I could return to my fiancée and our furry family. But now, those days are gone. Of course, I am excited to return to my family and friends, but when it comes to the life and home I have built here in beautiful South Africa, I am anything but.

When I first arrived in Stellenbosch, there were many things that were wildly exotic and quintessentially African, like the gorgeous intertwining trees that are ubiquitous in this country. The masses of wild Birds of Paradise were charming and unwilling to let me forget that I was, indeed, not in Kansas anymore. Sights that, in America, people pay good money to see, such as a herd of zebras or water buffalo, or a flock of ostriches that originally enticed me to draw out my camera have since become commonplace. All of these things that were new and foreign have become part of the everyday and it takes effort to picture my life without them. Along with the sights that I am now accustomed to are simple ways of life that I am beginning to realize are not compliant with American social norms. One of the things I have come to love is the freedom to go barefoot wherever I am. “No shoes, no shirt, no service” doesn’t exist in South Africa, and I openly celebrate that.

The first day I went barefoot was a handful of weeks into the semester. I was walking to class on a bright, warm day in my flip-flops. I had noticed, in the past, many guys sans footwear, but I had recently spotted a girl without shoes and I was excited to test the waters. I confidently pulled my sandals off my feet and stowed them in my bag. The rest of the walk to class felt much like a primary school student getting to wear her favorite new school clothes in public. I was positively gleeful.

On Halloween, during my terribly exciting walk through Cape Town dressed as a zombie, we came upon a gaggle of tourists. Of all the things to be concerned with- the mess of blood dripping from our mouths, our ripped, stained clothes, the awkward limp accompanying our gaits- they looked at us with unsure eyes and asked, “Why aren’t you wearing shoes?”

Just tonight, I made my umpteenth all-too-routine trip to Tapas. Each step of the walk down the two flights of stairs, down the two halls, over the ant-filled sidewalk crack, out of the Concordia stronghold, out to the Academia parking lot and through to the little snack shop was made with bare feet.

This is so normal to me now. Going to class, going to the library, going for food can not only be done without shoes, but also without regard, and I don’t want it any other way.

Another of the things that are now ordinary to me is the absolute diversity of the country. While it is true that Stellenbosch is a very conservative place and, by correlation, non-diverse by African standards, by American standards, it is exceptionally diverse. If I go a day without hearing at least 5 languages, something is wrong. If I don’t struggle with the pronunciation of at least two of the words I am reading, I’m not paying enough attention. I’ve learned at least 12 different ways to say a single English word correctly. I hear clicks during conversations and think nothing of it. I am greeted by smiling faces of every color imaginable every day and I don’t want it any other way.

Being back in the United States is going to be difficult. I’m no longer solely American, though I’d argue I never was. I have become a beautiful cultural hybrid, fluent in dollars and rand, in Celsius and Fahrenheit, in sakkies and bags. I am part South African now and as it finally settles in that I have to leave my home, I am anything but eager.

Dompas at Stellenbosch University?

This is re-blogged from damehumilis.wordpress.com
I found it important enough (and outrageously offensive enough) to share with you.

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Press Release
07 October 2010
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact : Motlalepula Musina
Nathan Adonis, Thobile Ntaka, Lungi Dali
15466469@sun.ac.za


We draw the public’s attention to the issue of racial profiling at this institution. This issue reached a boiling point at a Student Parliament gathering held on Tue 5 Oct Oct 2010. Student parliament is an open forum for all Stellenbosch University students to engage in discussion about matters tabulated in the agenda. This agenda is drawn up and distributed by the Student Parliament Committee. This occurs once a term and for this term the Van Der Sterr Geboue was the venue where the following items were on the agenda:

- Election of Speaker 2011

- Feedback from the SRC Chairperson Jan Greyling

- Student fees

- Student safety and SAPS

When the meeting commenced, the current Madam Speaker of the House Helene van Tonder, advised there will be a 50-50 Eng/Afr medium and suggested that all non-Afrikaans speakers use the services of a translator. That service consisted of 24 translation sets for the entire parliament. For those that did not get one of those sets, the Madam Speaker asked that the non-Afrikaans speaker ask his/her neighbour to translate.

It is most absurd, that for a forum that is supposed to include and engage all students – undergraduate and post-graduate, local and international, is held in Afrikaans by default. This is despite the fact that the University’s Policy on language stipulates that a postgraduate student will be catered for in English and that is a requirement for international students to pass an English literacy test before being accepted into the university.

- Election of Speaker 2011

A concern was raised about the legitimacy of student parliament. Since its inception, the student parliament has been operating without a Constitution. The basis of the argument was that it is the Constitution that will guide the electoral process, and stipulates role of the Speaker. Madam Speaker van der Tonder informed that this document was still being drafted and would be ready by early 2011. A suggestion was made that the elections be postponed until the document if finalized. Madam Speaker van der Tonder did not have the power to make that decision and would need to consult the SRC. However, since the matter was part of this agenda, the election would continue as scheduled.

- Feedback from the SRC and Student fees

SRC Chairperson Jan Greyling gave feedback on the state of his negotiations with University Management. This was a follow up on a report given by the University Management on 21 September 2010, where student fees for 2011 were projected to increase by 12% for tuition and 15% for residence. Greyling used a PowerPoint presentation to help visualise and engage the house. His presentations did not abide to the 50-50 language rule set out by the Madam Speaker. The financial figures and table were strictly in Afrikaans.

For the meeting held on 21 Sept and this student parliament, minutes of the meetings and their supporting material (ppt slides) are still not available for the student’s perusal. Without these documents it is very difficult to objectively critique their content against the discussion.

Greyling informed the house that University Management were willing to reduce the increase by a mere 1% for both tuition and residence. He then followed with a justification for the respective 11% and 14% increase.

* Parking – Since the university has a shortage of over 5000 parking spaces, R80mil would be spend over the next 5 years to build new parking facilities.
* Bicycles – R0.5mil will be used to purchase new bicycles. To adopt a greener model of living, a new model of anti-theft, durable, economic bicycles would be imported from Amsterdam. These bicycles will then be leased to students for the year.
* Maintenance
* Lectures salaries – to attract the best staff and maintain a high academic standard
* Inflation
* Rising electricity bills
* Property taxes

A question was raised about why parking and bicycles is so high on the priorities list, when there are loans and bursaries to consider. This is especially relevant since parking and bicycles are a luxury and education is a need. Moreover, parking and bicycles benefits only certain category of students, yet all students must bear the cost acquiring them. Greyling advised that the increase was justifiable but negotiation with University Management were still to continue.

- Student safety and SAPS

Due to the rising number of crime incidents reported in and around campus, the University’s campus protection services and Stellenbosch SAPS were invited to shed some light on the matter. Mr Pool, the SAPS representative reinforced that safety is the responsibility of all students and that the entire community needs to work together to promote a secure environment.

A question about the persistent problem of racial profiling was raised with the SAPS. Their capacity to prosecute criminals and harassment of black students was too queried. Mr Pool did not have answers on why the police are failing to prosecute criminals. He advised that he would need to look at each case individually and thus cannot answer to that. On the issue of racial profiling Mr Poole informed that in order to avoid being mistaken for a criminal, the black students must carry their student cards in and out of campus at all times. There was no objection /explanation / clarification from neither the SRC Chairperson nor the Dean of Students present at the parliament.

In closing, the newly elected Speaker for 2011 was announced and the meeting was adjourned.

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So, essentially, Stellenbosch University has returned to the dompas system. For those of you who don't know what a dompas is, I will give you a short background.

During apartheid, blacks and coloureds were assigned to "homelands." There were ten territories around the country and movement for non-whites was restricted to these areas. If someone wanted to travel anywhere outside of these "homelands" then he or she had to have a pass, a sort of passport. Imagine having to have a passport to go to the next town to visit family. While your white counterpart did not. If you did not have your pass on you, you were thrown in jail (at best). These passes were called "dompas" by those who were forced to use them. Dompas mean, of course, stupid pass.

The pass laws in South Africa were the heart of the apartheid era as they severely limited mobility for non-whites. They were degrading and inhumane. These laws were abolished in 1986.

Now Stellenbosch University is, in essence, doing the exact same thing. They are encouraging non-white students to carry their cards to prove they aren't criminals. Do white students have to worry about this? Of course not.

This is simply outrageous. This is on my ever-growing list of reasons I don't like Stellenbosch. I much prefer Kayamandi or Lynedoch. Places where people are loved for who they are. Stellenbosch is known as a very conservative town with outdated views on the world, yet somehow I am shocked by this.

This is downright offensive.

Preparing to click my heels

So much is going on.

School is over in two weeks. I've got one week of class and one week of finals. Three papers, two finals, and one oral test (for Afrikaans).

I'm hardcore stressing because there is so much to do.

I'm starting to think about transitioning back into the US and I'm nervous. I've acclimatized to South Africa that I know there are some things that will be weird. I've gotten used to looking right for on-coming cars instead of left. I've gotten used to the value of Rand (roughly $1 = R7). Things are gonna look really cheap when I get home. I've started talking in metric values. I get excited about a 76% on an assignment. I don't look for eggs in refrigerated isles because they aren't refrigerated. I add the letter 'u' to words that have 'o' and 'r' next to each other (like favourite). I like that South Africans don't ask "is that legal?" when I tell them I'm getting married to a woman because this country recognizes that love is love.

I've learned more about how ridiculous the American school system is. I've learned more about racism and sexism and I KNOW little things are going to piss me off when I get back into the states. It's going to be weird and different, but I know I will learn a lot.

I went to the District Six museum yesterday and it kind of put some things in perspective for me. It was more focused on the people whose lives were ruined when they were forcibly removed from their homes and put in Langa, the first township in Cape Town. They were taken from beautiful land with gorgeous views and forced to live outside the city on terrible land.

This photo is of what is called the "Tree of Remembrance." The seed was planted in 1948 and when people were forced out of District Six and everything, homes and shops included, were bull-dozed, this tree is one of the few things that survived. It witnessed the horrors that racism made happen and is a living reminder of what once was. People are now moving back into the area and I hope that this tree reminds them of home and that they do belong.

I still have 39 days here. I've been here for 99 days.

My last final is on the 27th. I leave Africa on November 25th. That's 29 days of nothing to do. I have to figure out how I'm going to spend those days on a very limited budget, but no matter what I do, I know it will be awesome because I am in South Africa.

The Little Things I Love about South Africa

Rooibos.
If I can’t get this in the States, I will be looking for an exporter. I love this tea. It’s amazing.

Husks.
Okay, at first, these sort of creeped me out. It’s like biscotti only thicker and made with different things. Jenna really enjoys the breakfast husks, which usually have pumpkin seeds and raisins and whatnot in them. However, there are a number of other types, like Muesli husks (made of granola). These things are awesome with peanut butter and/or dunked in coffee (or Rooibos). I am sad that they are specific to southern Africa.

Wild Calla Lilies.
As some of you know, Callas are my favourite flower. They also grow wild here. They’re everywhere. On the side of every street. They are as common as dandelions in the US, only much prettier. How amazing is it that I am surrounded by the beauty of this flower all the time?

The grading scale.
50%-59% is a D. 60%-69% is a C. 70%-74% is a B. 75% and up is an A. The theory behind this type of grading scale is that to receive 100% would mean that you are at the same level as the professor. The percentage is that of (ideally) perfection. To be at 75% of the professor is really good, therefore, it’s an A. I like this because it reminds everyone that there is always room for improvement, even if you get an A.

Pineapple Fanta.
Okay, this one was built up a little too far for me (sorry Baby) but it was still good. I don’t think it’s something you can find, or at least not easily, in the States. It’s pretty tasty, and I do recommend you give it a try if you ever stumble upon it.

Taxes on plastic grocery bags.
I think it’s pretty simple. More people bring their own when you have to pay 36 cents per bag. Go South Africa.

Tax on ALL items already included on sticker price.
You don’t have to worry about doing the math in your head when you’re working on a limited budget. The tax is automatically included on the advertised price. They’re straightforward with it. That’s awesome.

Pinotage.
This cultivar is specific to South Africa. The Pinot Noir grape was cross pollinated with the Hermitage grape to create Pinotage, a red grape that produces a rather complex wine. It is quite common in South Africa and while it is currently the only country producing this wine (and they don’t export to the US, so I will be bringing a bottle home), New Zealand is looking to start.

Doritos.
Now, I understand that you may be thinking, “But we have Doritos in the States? What’s the big deal?” but you don’t know the full story. Here, the Doritos brand is owned by a South African company called “Simba.” As a result, these chips are WAYYYY better. They don’t skimp on the seasoning. And the flavours here are different than those offered in the US. For instance, my current favourite flavours are Sour Cream and Mild Chilli, Buffalo Wings, and Sweet Chilli Pepper.

The drinking age.
Now, I know it doesn’t really affect me. I was already 21 when I was in the US, so it’s nothing new. However, because the drinking age here is 18, I have NEVER been carded in this country. 90% of the time, I don’t even have my ID on me. It’s kind of nice to not worry at all about having my ID or being carded. And on a related note, bouncers accept your University Student ID when they card you, even though it doesn’t have your age or DOB on it simply because if you are in college you are most likely 18 anyway (those lucky dogs who start when they’re 17).

The Metric System.
‘Nuff said.

Avocados on just about everything.
These South Africans have got it right. Avo is served on or with many of the items on a menu, including (but not limited to) chicken, curry, hamburgers (not burgers, because a “burger” is a citizen, so if you order a “burger,” they may bring you a person), rice, and a number of other things. I definitely think the US should follow suit on this one.

Most signs are in three different languages.
I know I’ve said before that South Africa has 11 official languages, but many of those are regional. Where I am, there are three main languages. Afrikaans, English, and isiXhosa. The vast majority of road signs and other public signs are in those three languages. I am learning a lot of words very quickly. It’s really interesting, and I love that I get to learn at least parts of other languages through the signs. And usually, when there is only one language on a sign, it’s Afrikaans, so I am picking that language up much quicker than I otherwise would.

There are so many other things that I love about this country. I just wanted to share a few of them with you.

Racism and Conscious Choice

This will probably be the most difficult post I’ve written to date. I apologize in advance for its heaviness.

I’m racist. That’s a very difficult thing to admit, so you should start practicing because you’re racist, too. At the risk of sounding like “Avenue Q,” I will say that to some extent, we are all racist. Whether that means we are blatant with it, as is less and less common these days, to insidious about it, as is more and more common, to what I will term socially internally racist, which is where I fit in this equation. Of course, this issue is far more complex than three groups of people, but for the purposes of simplicity, this is how I am going to go about explaining.

The first group enabled the institutionalizing of racism, as the US saw until the 60s, and South Africa saw until 1994, and further, though it has dissipated. This group stretches from one extreme, the KKK for example, to less menacing institutionalism, to people who simply hate those who are outside of their race classification to little or no consequence. These people are outwardly racist and do not hide that fact.

The second group is, in my opinion, the most dangerous. I have touched on this group before, but I will reiterate for the sake of my argument. This group includes those who are racist and may or may not know it. Oftentimes, they do not know it. This is a tragedy created by society. We, the world as a whole, have taught our people that to be light/white is good and safe and to be dark/black is to be bad and dangerous. Perhaps not in so clear of terms, but we teach it when we send our children to schools where the student body largely reflects their skin color, we teach it when we warn our children about what parts of the neighborhood to stay away from at night. We teach it when we buy houses in neighborhoods that are non-diverse. We teach it every day, in every way. We grow up hearing about genocide and xenophobia and praise our children for not being racist, yet we are, and so are they. This group includes the majority of the world.

The third group is very closely related to the second one with one major different, those in this group are aware of their racism. Through education we learn that we are prejudiced. We become aware of the ways in which racism has infiltrated our (sometimes) accepting (and sometimes, not) upbringing and we are appalled by them. We recognize that equality can only be achieved through the conscious choices we make and that we urge others to make. This group of people are the ones fighting racism and discrimination in schools, the workplace, housing, government, cultural events, and many other places. I call this social internal racism because the racism comes from our socialization process. We learn it from those around us as we grow up and internalize it. We don’t exhibit outward racism because it doesn’t exist. We are, for all intents and purposes, not racist. But it’s still inside of us. It is up to the individual to become aware of this internal racism and make choices to combat it.

Being in South Africa has heightened my awareness of my whiteness. I know that when I am walking down the street at night, as I am walking, that people will not fear me. They won’t wonder how many children I have or how I afforded my clothes. They will not assume much. I am aware of this in those moments, not just afterwards. Being here has made me painfully aware of my own racism. For example, I was walking to a meeting the other night just past dusk. I was alone and my destination wasn’t too much further. As I was walking down the street, I spotted a black man sitting on a bench, not really doing much. My immediate instinct was to move away, to go to the other side of the road. What if this had been a white man? Would I still have felt the need to distance myself? Would I have felt the same sense of potential danger? I felt ashamed. The difference, though, is that I know why those instincts exist. I know how they were created, which is far more complex than I can begin to describe, as it involves class dynamics, race dynamics, history, society, and a host of other issues. I know why I was prejudiced, and therefore, I gain power over it. I have the power to discover, question, and diminish discrimination.

I implore you to look into your head and heart and discover your racism. Many of you reading this already have. You are people I would consider part of the third group, but I know that some of you are very much still in the second group, living without knowledge of your prejudice. Look at how it has influenced your life, even if only in small ways. Painful though it may be, look at how it has altered your perceptions of people. You have the ability to gain power over your discrimination and change your life, and others in turn. It’s so easy to sit back and let it happen; after all, you’re the beneficiary. But please, I beseech of you, don’t.

For those of you willing to open yourselves up to this issue, I am completely willing to have in depth conversations with anyone on this topic if you feel the need to learn more or if you want to explore your thoughts and feelings. This is such an important issue to talk about. Please, if you need to talk, I am here.